I remember when I first gave my life back over to God. It had been years since I was faithful in going to church on a consistent basis and taking the Word of God seriously. I was too caught up in what I wanted out of life, trying to please people, find my place in the world, and desperately trying to maintain conditional relationships. I lost sight of my own worth, and eventually my dreams. I had no discipline, and the motivation was gone. 

Love song in my head

I grew up in church, singing many beautiful songs, memorizing where chapters were in the Bible and Scripture, and I acknowledged God, but I didn’t really follow Him, until I finally had enough of what I didn’t want. I needed someone to lead me back home. 

Faintly I remember

I remember the beautiful sermons as a teenager, going through one ear, and they stayed to some extent. But by the time I got home, someone would say something to make me feel angry or rejected again and I would forget. Unfortunately, no matter where someone is from or how old they are, we can say some evil things to each other out of spite or unhealed wounds, that someone will remember and suffer through for years, and even a lifetime. The tongue is defined in the Bible as a flame of fire. We can control many things, machines, robots, cars, even animals and large ships, fish, and horses, but no one can tame the tongue. (James 3) 

Longing from a distance

Then one day I had enough. Something in my spirit stirred up within me and I decided to make changes. I stopped chasing after relationships that were not for me. I stopped trying to please everyone. I stopped feeling angry and depressed at the things I could not change. I distanced myself from toxic people and situations that reminded me of past failures, and I went on a walkabout. It wasn’t the first time, but it would be the last time I would do so on my own. I’m the Christian that knows I need God, for He is sovereign. 

Lead the way

So one day I had a conversation with God. That’s what prayer is. Acknowledging the Lord with reverent fear and talking to Him. It’s a genuine request for help from the heart and giving thanks for all He has done. I lost almost everything and everyone. I was at my wits end, at the end of myself, done with trying to do everything in my own strength, so I got down on my knees and prayed to the Father. 

This song explains how many of us have felt here. 

One embrace

That day, my prayer was unlike any other prayer I had ever done. I WEPT like a baby. And then suddenly, I was calm. I didn’t have all the answers, but I knew, and finally understood and accepted who does. I haven’t turned back since. 

This is where I belong

“But now, thus says the Lord, who created you, O Jacob,
 And He who formed you, O Israel: 
Fear not, for I have redeemed you; 
I have called you by your name; 
You are Mine.”

Isaiah 43:1